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Mar. 6th, 2011

(no subject)

Well, Livejournal, I'd say this is about it for us. Over the years I've come back to you and updated when I could and it seems that with the years our audience has dwindled from many to few to maybe any at all. I've grown up around you and I've enjoyed you, but like all old toys, you must be put away. All you hold now are all the memories that I wish I had back. Well, I guess I'm gonna quit typing this now as I'm pretty sure that nobody will ever read it.


Thomas

Feb. 19th, 2011

(no subject)

I have juuust a few more things to put up and I'm all set. That wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be, which is good.


Wal-mart isn't half bad, to be honest. Its pretty much dull all the time but eh, what job isn't? Plus I get 2 30 minute breaks that they pay for and an hour lunch so its not like I'm ever gonna be tired haha I just can't wait to have some money in my pocket. Whatever brings me closer to getting the fuck out of here.


I feel better and better about the decision I made every day.

Feb. 17th, 2011

(no subject)

I have made up my mind and I know what I want to do. But for the first time in as long as I can remember...I don't wake up with your face in my head...I don't dream of you...I can no longer remember what its like having your hand in mine...I can't recall your smell...and no matter how hard I try...I just can't picture you in my future...you stepped out of my life...I have so much left I want to do and say...that I'm never going to get the chance to do again...I messed up...I shouldn't have taken the easy road out...


I do love you, I do, but I guess this is just about wrapping things up...we made a good run, you and I, but its time I start looking after myself, as you are looking out for yourself now...

I love you with my whole being and I don't know if that will ever change....but I'm moving on now, love...I'm moving on...

Jan. 12th, 2011

Lost?

I feel alone. I never have any privacy, yet I feel alone. Alone. There is so much I want to do and I can't do it here. I need to get away from here.

I have had more fun in the past month or so, that is for damn sure. More fun than I have had in a long, long time. My life has become dull, listless, hollow, empty and it appears that there is little that I can do about that. I see what the problem is and I know the solution; patience is an issue.

I also have a question:

Where have you been? c:

May. 18th, 2010

(no subject)

Alright, God, everyone keeps telling me that I need to talk to you and listen to you; so here goes. The gloves are off and I want to know what your fucking beef with me is, I would LOVE to know. What did I ever do? Why me? Why does my life have to have one fucking messup after another? Why can't you just let me have ONE FUCKING THING without taking it away? My life was finally on track, everything was finally going the way I wanted and now you do this to me? In one brief moment my life has begun to unravel and it's going into a downward spiral that I can't even find a way out of. Why do you have to do this to me? Why? I'd love an answer here, my ears are open and I'm waiting for something, anything. Just fucking HELP ME and stop fucking with my life, man. Stop fucking with my life. If you want me to believe and put faith in you, why don't you try making something good happen for once?

May. 10th, 2010

(no subject)

http://www.makli.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/megan-fox-01.jpg


Lubjoo too, dear c:

Apr. 5th, 2010

(no subject)

Why does my side of things never matter? I mean, I could understand if people listened and then thought whatever they wanted but people don't. They don't even bother to find out.

Apr. 4th, 2010

(no subject)

I've never felt so..deterred from life. I feel so distant from everything at this point and I'm not sure why. I just don't know where to go from here..with anything really. I want this-I want that. I feel this-I feel that. Since that happened I haven't known how to feel, I was...dealing, to say the least, but after that..I've just...I don't know how to explain it. I guess I'm just waiting for something to happen in my life and something needs to happen soon.

Happy Easter, darlings <3

Apr. 1st, 2010

(no subject)

Really? Hypocrite.

Mar. 7th, 2010

(no subject)

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>

Feb. 8th, 2010

(no subject)

I can't mess this up, I just can't. This is the one thing that has kept me going, the one thing that has never failed me in life and I have worked so hard to get it back. I can't. Not when I'm so close to achieving everything I've ever wanted. I can't, I refuse. I'm so sorry, I'm SO sorry. I can't help it, I just break down sometimes and I lose all thought processes but you know that and you can't take it this way. I'm so sorry, you know that I don't mean some of the things I say. Please, forgive me, I'm doing better, I really am. Please, I beg you, don't lose track of this again. Please, I'll do anything.

Please.

Feb. 6th, 2010

(no subject)

I have every possible thing on my body that can be crossed for luck crossed; I know how much this means to you and I want it for you almost as bad as you do! c:

Jan. 31st, 2010

(no subject)

Alright, breathing a sigh of relief now; I actually was born on planet Earth. Gotta get a job, form of transportaion(likely a moped, oh well), and get my life back on track.

I don't have to put up with you but a few more months, maybe then you will calm the eff down and look at me as a person.

Jan. 30th, 2010

(no subject)

It's only been two days...two more isn't so bad, right?...right?..

Jan. 14th, 2010

Inferiority complex?

What makes him so much better?
What made him so much more special?
Why was he allowed priviliges that I, to this day, am still not allowed?
He could keep you out until 10 and later and even take you to Kingsport; I can't keep you out past dark?
What is it?
Is it becuase his life is handed to him on a silver-platter; because daddy gives him his every little whim, thus feeding his ego even more?
I'm sorry that I have to start from scratch. I'm sorry that my parents don't have money. I'm sorry my parents didn't go to college. I'm sorry that all the money that might come my way instead goes into paying to keep my family nourished, to put my nieces through school, to keep the lights on. I was supposed to be the youngest, I was supposed to be the spoiled one, I was supposed to be the one who gets his way. Why is it that all my brothers got to enjoy their last few years of teenagehood? Why is it that I'm the only one that can't go out with his friends to eat? To go on vacation? To have a fucking car?

I'm sorry that I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. But you were in my position once. You should empathize with me, not judge me and push me away just becuase you want to look like a good mom in front of your new-found fiance.

I've never been more angry at someone for being so hypocritical. I looked up to you, I respected you, I fucking loved you like my own; do you not realize this? You were one of few people in this world that I could really call a hero. You had gone through it all! You went through a terrible hardship, relationship, and break-up. You raised your daughter while working any job you could; all this while putting yourself through college! Now you have the good life, now you have what you didn't, now you are giving your daughter what you couldn't have; yet you are pushing me away for going through the exact same hardship that you went through?

We had our arguments, we had our fights, we had our hardships; but I treated her like an angel and you know it. I may not have been the best boyfriend, but I made her happy.

I made her happy.

Jan. 13th, 2010

(no subject)

Oh god, not him >< anyone but him

Jan. 11th, 2010

TROGGDOR

Hmm...I've tried saying it a lot of times. More times than anyone could ever try to count. It's been perfect every time either of us has ever said it, but perfect has never been us. We needed a way to say it that was weird enough, fun enough, hyper enough, loud enough, obnoxious enough, crazy enough, horny enough, loveable enough; a way to be optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. A way that shows you hate it when I tickle you but you would never tell me not to because whether you admit it or not, you love it. Cute enough for people to realize that we have seen every single sappy love movie ever made, even the ones that were terrible. A way to show that we can cuddle and laugh at scary movies, even if they are terrible too. To show that we are so weird that we will go eat at McDonald's all the way in Norton just so we can watch the weird people of Southwest Virginia walk in and out of wal-mart. A way that's just right for us.

I effing love you.

Dec. 7th, 2009

(no subject)

God, I miss that so bad...its stupid and it shouldn't matter and its really not a big deal...but I do so terribly miss it...

Nov. 2nd, 2009

(no subject)

Why must people always resort to violence? That kills me. I got in a fight with a man up the road because he was drunk and picking a fight. I tried to ignore him and go on my way but people just can't stand to have their little feelings hurt by someone ignoring their ignorance. I don't like to fight, I was taught to defend myself so I'm not afraid to, but I don't like to and I try, to the best of my ability, not to. He wouldn't let me go in peace, even spitting in my face, so I did what was needed to be done; and he even threatened to call the cops afterward! I'm sure it was just a bluff considering there was no one around except a bunch of drunks and it was his word against mine and I have not a spot on my record so I don't have to worry about that. But my conscience always comes into a play...there is always a solution that doesn't require violence, right? Why is it that sometimes we just see no other way out? Why must people be the way they are?

On a slightly better note, life is...improving to say the least. I'm getting all my college stuff done and out of the way. I still have to get a definite answer on an apartment and I'm currently finding a job up there. I'm scared out of my mind, I've never been more scared of anything in my entire life. What if I can't do it? What if I decide I don't like it? What if I get homesick? What if I miss my friends? Or you? Life without you...isn't...what I want it to be, regardless of the fact that you are probably going to be there shortly there-after...but still...I don't want to be without you even for that short amount of time...that's what I'm most scared of...being without everyone...my parents..my friends...my love...what am I going to do? Of course I still have a few friends up there...but not Lee...or Mark...I've never been far away from them like that...I know that sounds gay but I really don't care...if there is anyone in my life that I depend on it's them...people really don't understand the extent of how close the three of us are....Mark has drifted off a bit...but Lee and I have grown closer than I ever imagined....I don't know what I'm going to do without them...

But I know that I have to go on, this is the opportunity my life has been waiting for and I have to seize if while I still have the chance. I need to get out of here, to make my own way in the world, to be the first in my family to graduate. That's a big goal I've set for myself and I have to fulfill it...I have to.

I know this is something that I should be chastised for asking of everyone and it's something I definitely need to do for myself;
prayforme

Oct. 19th, 2009

I'll eat you up, I love you so.

I have some reorganizing to do in my room =)

Oct. 7th, 2009

(no subject)

Finally <3

Sep. 30th, 2009

(no subject)

Are you fucking kidding me? It's ONE FUCKING HOUR out of your time. That's it. That's all I have asked for. This should have been long done, gone, and over with by now. We shouldn't still be arguing about this stupid shit. You shouldn't still be going places alone, I shouldn't still be sitting at home alone, and we shouldn't still be arguing about this stupid shit EVERY SINGLE DAY. We fought maybe 3 times in almost two years. All we have done for 2 months IS fight.

20 days left. 20.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK! ><

I just want to leave now, I'm so ridiculously excited about being done with Southwest fucking Virginia. I want to be gone and thinking about the things that are ACTUALLY important, not this stupid high-school bullshit. I have like 3 months left here, 3, and I'll be gone for a very extended period of time, depending on if I even want to come back to these god-forsaken mountains.

Three months left and I refuse to spend them unhappy anymore. I should be happy, this is the happiest time of my life! I'm 18 years old for Christ's sake! This is NOT something I need to be worrying about right now! I'm moving 5 hours away from my comfort zone to a place I've never been, living in a place I've never seen, going to a school that nobody has ever heard of, I have a LOT to be worrying about right now. Not this, not anymore.

I just want to be gone..so bad...to meet new people...almost all of my old friends aren't who they were anymore...I just can't stand to look at some of them...others are too far away for me to be able to care about...I miss everything so much. :c

Nostalgia sucks.

Sep. 28th, 2009

I realized something today..

I'm am absolutely t-totally in love with The Beatles. I mean, it's ridiculous.

Sep. 26th, 2009

(no subject)

Dude, I seriously think I'm pregnant. I want some pizza so bad, it's like ridiculous.

Sep. 24th, 2009

I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me.

It's amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all

It's unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

It's aggravating
How you threw me on and you tore me out
How your good intentions turn to doubt
The way you needed time to sort it out

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

Tell me is that how it's going to end
When you know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
And the one you're leaving out

The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

Sep. 23rd, 2009

(no subject)

If you aren't going to then at least have the decency to let me go and fix things for me. For the first time in months will you please think about me?


And you; could you be anymore of a bitch? When are you going to realize that through your words and actions you have gone from the most unanimously liked person I've ever come across, to the most hated?

Sep. 21st, 2009

(no subject)

Thanks for making this easier.

Sep. 20th, 2009

So now I'm scared..

I did it for you...it is what I wanted..but it could've been easier otherwise..and I wouldn't be so stressed over it...and I did it because you asked me to...it was for you...and now..this?...I'm...speechless...not angry...a little sad...but more than anything...speechless...

On the flip side, Joe's party was frickin' BA!

Sep. 6th, 2009

Enough is enough.

I realized today that I really do like her. I don't care what you think about her because what she may or may not be is nothing compared to what you KNOW he is. If you are going to change things it needs to happen now, I'm not waiting anymore. The next time I hang out with her it WILL be as more than friends, I promise you that. If you don't want that then you need to fix things. I can guarantee you now that you will be a lot less happy than I will be simply because you are taking me talking to her a lot worse than I took you making out with him and telling him you love him.

If things end now they will be done forever and you will lose everything, literally everything. The story will be told and I promise you that it will not be to spare your feelings. I will NOT be embarrassed over this to save your good name anymore. The only thing that is going to save your reputation, your friends, and our relationship is for you to make things right. Period.

Sep. 2nd, 2009

(no subject)

Dear God,

Help me find the words to say.

Amen

Aug. 29th, 2009

(no subject)

I love all this -.- please throw more at me. Love it man, love it. lol

Aug. 25th, 2009

(no subject)

It's only fair..right?..

Aug. 22nd, 2009

(no subject)

I've tried...I really have...but I just don't know what to do...where to go from here....and for the first time in my entire life....I just want to go to sleep without a thought or care in the world...and never wake up

Aug. 18th, 2009

(no subject)

HAPPY BIRTHAMADAY ERIN!

Aug. 16th, 2009

(no subject)

why would you do that knowing good and well you are lying to her?..

Aug. 14th, 2009

(no subject)

Just tell me what you want!

Jul. 22nd, 2009

Why?

Why can't one thing ever go right? Why can't I catch a break? Just once? I'm tired of this, I'm tired of missing out on things and it being completely out of my control.

Jul. 15th, 2009

I don't care what they say

You should trust me. Just once, would you please trust me?

Jun. 28th, 2009

I love you, Isaac

I could die happy right now.

Jun. 13th, 2009

Saying..

OMFGICAN'TBELIEVEHOWFRICKINHAPPYIAMRIGHTNOW

Would be an understatement =)

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